It kind of reminds me of going to a casino, you are powerless of your chances of winning. Whether at the casino or living an unconscious life, you always end up with less than you started so you end up feeling worse than before. Your knowledge of life and your dependence on your mind will only let you do what you know to do, so you become stuck in a circle of unhappiness that only seems to get worse. This root problem is your feelings of subconscious unworthiness. You see life as something in which you cannot achieve any level of success by yourself, so you hope for something to rescue you and bring happiness to your unfulfilled life.
This is a pretty common theme among people living a reactive life. The one thing no one seems to accept is that we put ourselves into every situation that we are looking to be rescued from. We choose everything that happens to us and then get angry and give up because our lives are not pleasurable. The truth of life is that we sabotage ourselves. Our internal feelings, or the mindset of not feeling worthy and capable of living our lives, is what holds us back. We hold the power to think of ourselves as victims or use the same mind power to see opportunity and view our lives as "happy"
We are responsible for our own lives!
If we put ourselves in the situation, how can we expect anyone to get us out? It is our decisions, ideas, values, thoughts and feelings that have led us to the place we are now; it is where we want to be. If someone finally comes along and rescues us we will only return to the place of negativity again.
When we stop blaming everyone for our feelings and accept that we are the ones leading our lives, then we can take responsibility, change our state of mind, and accept the victimized roles we play. Taking responsibility is very easy when you change your perspective from a victim, to one that you are in control of your life. Another person or object can save you from your thoughts for a short while, but your perspective on life will lead you back into the same painful existence you created the first time.
Why don't we see this?
Your brain is not programmed to see rationality. Since the first day you could open your eyes, you have witnessed people playing the victim. You witnessed your parents blame you for their denied parts of themselves and you absorbed this like a dry sponge. There is no way to tell this is going on because it is done on a subconscious level, but this is where your beliefs and feelings about yourself come from.
You were a blank slate as a child who adsorbed every detail of your parent's attitudes. You were taught to fear the same things they do and react the same way they react to their fears. You also picked up that you should deny the same parts of your life that your parents have repressed, then cope with your feelings by reacting similarly to these denied, estranged feelings as your parents do to situations in their life.
You don't see what you can't see!
One thing I hear a lot from people is, "I don't act like my parents", or maybe they say "I am quiet, but my Mother/father is loud." I am not talking about outside personalities. I am talking about the denied parts of yourself that do not come out unless provoked. You have parts of your mind and spirit that are repressed so you think they are not there. You live your life devoting your entire mind's energy trying to hide the fact that you possess these feelings. Your life in turn, ends up as a play that you act out for everyone you meet and more importantly, for yourself. When you are faced with a decision to accept something that hurts, you associate your denied feelings as the other person's before you accept this pain as yours or a part of you.
Example note: In the example below, I will use a mother that is loud and talkative. This situation can play out with either parent and is not specific. This is just to demonstrate the dynamic your mind plays out in your head. I will say, generally a person will deny and exhibit stronger traits of the parent that they had the most trouble with. That is normally the opposite sex parent.
I will use an example where Sue (mother) is a loud person and Liz (Daughter) feels as if she is unlike her mother because she is quiet. It may not represent your exact situation as the roles and situations can be reversed or played out with different subjects throughout life.
Sue feels as if she has to present herself in a loud tone to be noticed. This would likely mean her parents were disconnected and didn't pay much attention to her. To compensate for the lack of attention she had to scream and over exaggerate to be noticed.
Sue would still possess the qualities of abandonment and withdrawal like her parents. Since it has caused her pain, she denies these qualities and takes the opposite extreme by always feeling the need that she must be heard. To Sue, not being heard brings up feelings of abandonment and withdrawal or in other words a scary, fearful feeling. Her brain has perceived this experience, and the feeling that arose as bad, from the association of these feelings and pain with the experience.
The feeling of never being heard to Sue makes her feel the need to compensate by making sure people hear her by all means necessary. This is a way to avoid any run-ins with her denied, repressed emotional feelings.
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Mark Babineaux
