That is a huge fluctuation of emotion! What is weird, all couples started by being single, they were optimistic and hopeful that the person they would find would be "the one". Mostly everyone who started in a relationship was happy, having all the excitement and drug like feelings that one would dream to find from their lover. We are absolutely sure that nothing could go wrong and the person would meet all our needs and make us happy.
For women it is a fairytale come true, a knight in shining armor comes to rescue the princess. She has someone that listens and pays attention to her, finally she feels loved like she always wanted. She doesn't worry about anything because the man takes care of all her emotions and makes her feel comfortable and clear-headed.
The man receives all the love and support that women typically give. He feels empowered when she listens to him, feels important and accepted when she wants and needs to have sex with him. He finally feels strong now that she is happy and taken care of. These feelings are great, all of their needs are being met and no one deals with any emotions.
None of the situations explained above are realistic with long term love, it is only two people accommodating each other. The things you are asking from each other is not love, it is being taken care of by your parents. These issues are your problems that will be there forever and continue to cause unhappiness unless you face it and learn to deal with it in a functional way. I will not minimize this process in any way because it will be the most mentally challenging thing you ever deal with. Just when you think you are past it, the s*** hits the fan and you seem to be back where you started, angry again. It is not something you can put a finger on by just thinking about it, it takes self realization and helps if you and your partner can be a little humble.
The trouble with this whole situation in the example above and most relationships, is it's based on each person getting their own needs met. How can two people be together only living for themselves and be happy? I say living for themselves, because in relationships we tend to use others to make sure we remain comfortable and often find someone who will not make us face our fears and painful childhood feelings. The horse and carriage fairytale is only societies' magic story of what love is. It is not realistic, nor does it work.
The Bachelorette
I was watching the Bachelorette one night and she stated that she could see a life full of excitement and new experiences with her new fling. I find that statement funny and a good example on what this article is about. The things she listed are areas in her life that she wants to become more familiar with, and are problems or repressed areas of her past that she can't find in herself. Maybe she is afraid of showing excitement and trying new things, but it has nothing to do with the guy she connected with. He could possibly help with her reservations, but it is not likely because she needs to experience and accept her fears for it to become her reality. When her new partner cannot come through with excitement, money, or new experiences, she will no doubt feel her original insecurities and project them onto him like it is his fault. This experience is no different for the man's role, just different topics.
This is Playing a Role!
When I say man and woman I speak typically of roles. Typically the man is the provider, he is the strong silent one that takes care of the woman and is her rock for her emotional needs. Women are typically the care takers, the seductive passion givers and the one who makes the home run smoothly. This is only how society has trained us to play these roles.
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Mark Babineaux
